the mind we had

the mind we had
suna & nao

The metallic jangling of keys resounded in the empty hallway, much louder than he had initially anticipated. A fact which made him narrow his eyes slightly, silencing the sound by closing his fist around the source of it, while continuing up the few sets of stairs. While it had something intimidating to step into his first real apartment, which he paid for with his own money, there was a strange sense of excitement in his chest when the key - of course he picked the correct one right away, as for him it was obvious which one fit just by the look of it - clicked inside the lock and he stepped into what would be his home for the next few years.

The eerie silence of an empty apartment greeted him and Suna embraced it with a soft sigh of relief. This had not been entirely planned - he was supposed to move in with the twins, but the search for a fitting place didn’t quite work out as they hoped and in the end it was him, who took the step back. Not without Atsumu begging to change his mind, of course, but in the end he signed the lease for a room right here. He would be living with two other students, as far as he knew, but he did not really mind and in the end it was just a practical choice to get an apartment outside of the university campus. Oftentimes practice ran late and Sunarin was not really eager to fight over closing times in some dormitory.

Soft steps he took through the apartment, only set with basic furniture and glanced into every room, before he snapped a quick picture of the living room and the view outside with his phone.

2:17pm
Rin: Could be worse, huh?

The picture, as well as the associated message, went out into two chats - one being the group chat with the Miyas, the other one being Nao. For a moment his eyes locked onto her profile picture, before they fell onto the last messages, nearly two weeks ago. While they used to message nearly every day after Suna went away to Inarizaki, it had turned less and less in the past years and while he often had a fix for everything, he did not really have one for that. Not even he himself knew where exactly it went wrong.

His head jolted up as he heard a key scratching over the main door and for a moment he damned the fact that his silence seemed to be over already. Today was the official move in date, so he should have expected the other tenants to come by as well, which he did not. Tough luck, but without much whining he slipped his hands into the pockets of his dark pants and stepped into the hallway.

It took maybe one, two heartbeats for him to recognize her. No wonder, after he had just looked onto a photo of her moments ago. “ Nao? “ The disbelief in his voice, as well as the narrowed eyebrows made sure that he most definitely did not expect his once - still? - best friend to stand before him and while she had aged a bit since they last saw each other, her facial features were clear as day to him. “ I just messaged you. “ Not that this information changed anything about the situation before him, but at least it gave him something to say, for now.

the mind we had
suna & nao

Living up to expectations was always hard. Nao learned that quite recently when she wrecked the image people drew of her. Like the mirror she got sick of looking into; her own reflection devoid of joy.

She knew her friend expected her to feel as deflated as they did. After receiving their acceptance letters from universities all of Tokyo, all they have been talking about was how to make living together during the coming four years work. Plans they concocted in naivete and without the knowledge of just how hard finding an apartment was. And who could blame them? They just graduated high school and now stood in front of a whole new world, expected to become functioning adults in society.

Though Nao knew, that she was supposed to feel disappointment and sadness, she couldn’t quite bring herself indulging in these feelings. She loved them - she really did. Yet she loathed not living with them less than she should. And while she wasn’t keen on living with complete strangers either, the prospect of that felt somehow less daunting.

The notification from her messenger app yanked her out of her thoughts, making her aware that she just stood there - at the bottom of the stairs leading up to her new apartment. In a smooth motion she looked at the notification widget on her screen. Rin has sent her a picture. Without unlocking her phone and without actually opening their chat she swiped the notification away. Like she had so many times before. Seeing that he wrote her but not wanting to let him now just yet. Avoiding the need to explain leaving him on read. Not that she really needed to.

Nao herself couldn't say why she found herself avoiding his messages. Talking and being around him - her best friend - used to be as easy as breathing. They got each other in a way no one else did, sometimes spending hours just handing around, not talking or doing anything in particular. And while this sounded boring for bystanders, for them it just made sense. Then he moved to Hyogo and despite their efforts the contact became less and less. Well despite his effort. He wasn’t avoiding her at times needed courage to reply or seek out conversations.

The blonde shook her head, slipping her phone into the backpocket of her jeans. She could mull over that once she was settled and attempted to fall asleep. Her usual schpiel.

The key already in hand she finally opened the door of her new place - silently hoping that she was the first one to arrive. The probability of making introductional small talk wasn’t something Nao anticipated highly.

“Nao?” A familiar voice sounded, making her freeze in her motion and lifting her gaze.

She blinked. Once, twice - not really comprehending who stood there in her apartment, hand casually buried in his pockets. “Rin?”, she breathed - still confused. In Nao’s defence, she had expected pretty much anything but her childhood best friend greeting her right this moment. Even a serial killer room mate somehow made it higher on that list.

“Ye, I saw.” The blonde bit the inside of her cheek while turning and closing the door behind her, trying to find a sound reasoning why she saw but didn’t reply or officially read the message. Did it really matter, though? In the end she has been busy today and maybe just wanted time to properly look at it. Or maybe she should just grow up and stop finding excuses. Eh.

There was a pregnant silence between them that seemed to grow more awkward by the second. That was until Nao’s voice cut through said silence. “What are you… doing here?” Perhaps not the most eloquent way to get rid of the tension she felt closing in on her, but a valid question nonetheless. While going over every scenario in her head, she feared that the most obvious one flew through under her radar.

the mind we had
suna & nao

He did not even check if she had read the message. Most times his phone was on silent anyway, maybe on buzzing if he expected something important and right after he had sent the photo, he just slipped the phone back into his pocket. Alas, the mutual surprise on her face told him all he needed to know about the fact that she did not look at his message when it came in, before she even opened her lips to validate his thoughts with her answer.

Still, a soft smile curled the edge of his mouth, as he stood there looking at her, his facial expressions struck with reserved happiness. Life had taken a toll on both of them, him being busy with training and tournaments, always around the Miya twins who most definitely strained his social capacities a lot at times. And he did not even need to act as if it didn't have an effect that Nao stopped playing. Suna knew why and while he respected her decision, he also thought it was talent wasted - and something had shifted between them, as talking about volleyball suddenly didn't feel as light-hearted as before.

Without any words at first, he reached deeper into his pocket and pulled up the set of keys, dangling from his finger on the attached chain, as he held it up for her to see.
" Living. "

Such a simple answer and yet it had an impact, he was quite sure about it. It cringed his insides to stand in front of her without knowing what to do, when they had once been closer than two pieces of paper and while he wanted to hug her hello, to him she did not quite seem as if she would appreciate that.

" The room behind you is mine. Given the fact you have keys and are here already, I figure yours is the one next to it. " A loose flick of his wrist towards the two doors, before a sigh left his lips. " Tea? " He was sure he had seen some in the kitchen on his way through.

Suna did not really wait for her reaction, nor her answer. Instead he turned on his heel and walked back into the living room, crossing it to access the kitchen area built into it. A kettle and the bag of green tea was all he needed and so he got to work, glad to be able to busy his hands for the time being. Yet Rintarou would not be Rintarou if he wouldn't listen for Nao's footsteps to follow him and so he turned around, leaning loosely against the countertop while he waited for the water to boil, just as she entered the room. " I am glad to see you. You did not tell me you moved here. " He himself at least told her that he had been invited to play for EJP and would start to study somewhere somewhat near, even though it had felt wrong after she had quit the sport. Yet, now that she stood in front of him, he felt as if he did not know anything about her anymore

And it stung.

the mind we had
suna & nao

It really shouldn’t be like that. This whole situation shouldn’t be drowned and stained by oddness. Suna Rintarou used to be her person. The one person that made sense and yet the smile on her lip was awkward. Delighted - of course - but awkward still. Nao’s feelings were accentuated by the simple nod she mustered as reply. What was wrong with her? She felt as if her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth unable to form words.

The blonde told herself that it made sense - he living here as well, his room right next to her own. She attempted to convince herself, that this was a good thing. The distance that strained their friendship closed by a mere coincidence. The bitter taste of her own guilt however made her arguments feeble, weak and they scattered in the wind unable to hold themselves. She let out a voiceless sigh, before following Rin to the kitchen.

“I…-” She paused, clearing her throat. “Sorry about that. I had so much going on I honestly thought I told you about where I’ll be studying and living as well.”

It wasn’t a complete lie at least. The final decision that she got the room here was still quite recent and the anxiety of not finding a place in time had gnawed on her ability to focus on anything else. Yet Nao did remember to tell her parents and friend - except for one.

Nao, you asshole.

“But - it is a very happy coincidence that we ended up here together.” The smile on her face was small but genuinely warm as she tilted her head to the side. Nao finally felt the surprise falter and making place for at least somewhat happy anticipation. She expected to be living with two complete strangers, not one of her - what used to be at least - closest friends.

The reason for her avoidance was silly - she knew that. After Rin moved and made new friends she felt left behind. Like the old family dog that was not allowed to move into the new house and was displaced to spend his last days in isolation. Whilst there was an effort made to stay connected that feeling had beaten down the walls of her confidence, left her bare to the thoughts that dragged her down. Avoiding contact altogether was easier than to face her own insecurities.

“I got accepted at the University of Tokyo - though don’t ask me how I managed that.” For most of her life she expected a sport scholarship thus academics were never her first priority. Which showed when Nao decided half into her third year that her set path was no longer the one she wanted to follow. The privilege that her parents somewhat supported her and paid for extra tutoring and support would forever be something she’d be grateful for.

Then there was Rin, who did get a scholarship and an invitation to the EJP youth program. He went down the path she once thought they’d concqour together. Nao didn’t regret her decision, she didn’t choose any of this lightly. She just didn’t quite know who she was apart from a good volleyball player. She fought tooth and nail to get a shot at going to a good university - more than some of her friends said she had to.

‘Just take the scholarship, play during university and then quit. Why do you make it so hard for yourself?`

They didn’t understand why she quit - or at least Nao felt like they didn’t want to understand. After leaving the team and focusing on her school work she felt even more left out than before. Only that this time she couldn’t blame some stupid school and their stupid scouts for not picking her as well. Only herself.

“Excited to start university?” She broke the small silence again, although this time it was way less heavy to her.

the mind we had
suna & nao

Somewhere underlying this heavy layer of strange feelings, it felt familiar to have her near. A few years back they would’ve given everything to move even closer together, let alone into the same apartment and partially Suna still had those feelings. He rarely considered people his closest ones, near to his heart, but once he did, it was quite hard to lose that status.

It had hurt him often, to not be able to let go and even recently, when he realized that Atsumu and Osamu would not be quite as near anymore, it felt like losing something. His feelings collided between the wish for space and the utter need of wanting to have his friends close and just like that he found himself spiraling into emotions he couldn’t quite handle yet.

Which was why he focused on his task at hand, the tea, his eyes firmly locked onto the green leaves and the water that slowly started to throw bubbles. Yet a soft chuckle escaped him as she apologized and he slowly comprehended that he probably could not be mad at her for long. “ Coincidence, yes. Seems our middle school wishes came true in the end. “ Rin remembered vividly how they sat together, how hard it had been to tell her that he had to go away - a chance he did not want to pass on and yet it had ripped something from his chest to leave Nao behind. How he promised her that he still wishes to be her friend, the best one, and how much he would love her to come with him. It had taken a few years and now here they were.

Surprise coated his features for a short moment, before he nodded. “ You’ve always been the better student of us both. “ Praise, hidden in a mere fact.

Tokyo University made sense, given the location of this apartment and yet it made this whole ordeal even more unlikely, which didn’t change the clear fact that it happened.
“ I had planned to go to Osaka, until the scholarship came in. Good thing it did. “ His hand ran through his hair for a moment, some black strands falling into his eyes. He had to cut it again, that was for sure.

The clatter of teacups and a spoon filled the silence between them with background noise, up until the blonde broke it with some simple words. Actually, when Suna thought about it more, he was somewhat interested in what university would bring. Was it really excitement? Doubtable, that was more reserved for volleyball and his team, yet he had a feeling he would enjoy it more than school. “ I think so. “ He shrugged, not quite sure what to say further. For now he was saved by the click of the water boiler, which indicated it was ready to be served.

Tea found its way into cups and as he turned to hand Nao hers, he took a deep breath through his teeth. Was this a conversation he wanted to have? Yes and no. But the uncertainty was gnawing on his insides and he just couldn’t shake off the coat of awkwardness to really, full on genuinely, be happy about her being here.

“ I’ve missed you. “ It was easier, once, to confess what he thought and felt towards her. Now it seemed as if he had to squeeze the words out. “ What happened, Nao? I was busy, I know. “ But once she had not always reacted to his occasional memes anymore - the Miyas got most of them, but whenever he wanted to talk to Nao but had no clue about what, he would send her some too - Suna noticed there was more going on. “ You know I do not see you as less of a friend just because you stopped playing? “ Looking back, he was not sure if he ever made that clear enough.

the mind we had
suna & nao

Simply remembering the time Nao and Rin had planned out their entire future together spread the warmth through her body. “I guess staying up all night wishing on every shooting start was the way to go.” It were simpler times that now felt like hopeless dreams because life really never turns out like it supposed to. Yet the feeling wasn’t washed away by sad reality. Because the reality was that they both somehow landed here just like they always talked about.

“I think so.” A smile crept onto her face again as she concluded that Rin hasn’t really changed that much. A man of simple and sometimes few words that for the most part never seemed too few or rude - although others claim the opposite occasionally.

Nao envied her friend who could occupy himself making tea. She just stood there, looking around and hiding her hands inside the sleeves of her hoodie to prevent her from taking out her phone to mindlessly busy herself. Wanted or not - her phone had become an constant companion in the past years. Social media, memes or just staring at the clock and waiting for time to pass until the next plans.

The she almost missed the “I missed you.” that made her swallow the dryness in her mouth away and advert er gaze. Nao started to fidget with the seems on the inside of her sleeves unsure how to respond. A simple ‘Same’ felt wrong yet probably the right choice. Before she could answer however, Rintarou continued.

“I know that!” Do you, really? “And I missed you too - I was just… busy doesn’t really cut it, right?” Her smile turned sad after she paused herself in the middle of yet another excuse.

The blonde sighed before searching the eyes of her friend, somewhat determined to at least try. Because it was true, she lost a sense of who she was and who said that Suna would still like that unknown version of herself - now having even less in common. But did they have less in common? She still loved volleyball and ultimately she quit to stop that fire from being extinguished.

“After I quit everyone told me how stupid I was and how much talent I would waste. Most people tried to convince me to change my mind going back to the ‘going pro’-plan.” She stopped for a moment, fully aware of the words she wanted to say but hesitating voicing them.
“I… guess I was afraid that if you’d try I would actually listen.” And again, she knew it wasn’t fair to make assumptions like that. Rin would never try to convince her of something, she really didn’t want to do.

But if you know that, why don’t you say it? Idiot.

“I know it’s nothing you would ever do, but I was so deep in my head that I convinced myself. After that I didn’t know how to just pretend nothing happened…” Her best friend left for an amazing opportunity and she had lacked that certain someone that would called her out on her bullshit. Which was - again - by Nao’s own design. Though she swore to herself, that she would never share the extend of her loneliness with Rin. There was no way she would make him feel more guilty than he already did as he left for Inarizaki.

Nao couldn’t think of any conclusion to her rambling. The words just hung there in the room uncertain of their own purpose much like the young woman who spoke them. Should she apologize again? Try to move through this and start over? Would another apology be even enough? The blonde was still holding his gaze through only now feeling moved to look away, anywhere but toward him.

the mind we had
suna & nao

He might’ve been a bit of a hypocrite. While yes, he did accept her decision, he was still one of those. Those who thought it would be easier for Nao to keep going, those who saw her skill as wasted if she stopped - but those were only his views.

And yet he was perceptive enough to know that it was not what she wanted to hear. Which was most likely the reason that he never actually tried to push her in any other direction than the one she wanted to go to. More than anything he wanted her to be happy and even when their contact fell shorter each month, Suna felt as if the decision she made was the right one for her.

So when she smiled now, genuinely, about their childhood memories, he saw that spark in her eyes which he knew from her. Dwelling there for a second, over those memories, before the here and now took him back into the less smiley topic at hand.

For now he just listened in casual Rin fashion and left her to just say what she had to say, while he took a sip of his tea, his eyes not leaving her. It was not as if he stared at her, it was more a soft glance keeping hold of her facial features - analytic, nearly.

It was not until she was done talking that he raised his voice again. “ It took me a while to get used to it. “ There was no reason to not speak the truth, he figured. He hated lying anyway. In general, but just a little bit more towards his friends.

Yet he shrugged. “ But in the end it is not my decision to make. I will always see volleyball as a part of you, but that is about it. “ Softly he set his teacup down and in the blink of an eye the tip of his index finger tapped against Nao’s forehead, a smirk tugging on the edge of his lips.

“ That head of yours has always been the overthinking kind. “ It was so easy to fall back into their usual antics - behaviour that was learned from childhood and had kind of entered his blood at that point. The more they talked, the more Rin felt as if some knot inside of his chest started to untie, but also he immediately felt guilty for the sudden touch she probably had not expected.

There was not much space to back off, but with shoving his hands into the pockets he stepped over towards the nearest window, looking towards the green trees outside of it. “ What do you study now? “ Busying himself - and her - with more superficial everyday topics seemed easier for now. Baby steps, or something.

the mind we had
suna & nao

And in that moment it felt like all the worries and strands of thoughts rumbling in her head were gone. Nao felt stupid on one hand, having thought that any of it mattered and relieved at the same time. A smile returned onto her face, happy and a small giggle escaped her. “One of us has to do the thinking.” The attempt to shrug nonchalantly proof that the awkward tension truly seemed gone.

The blonde took the missing step forward before he could back off entirely and wrapped her arms around Rin, hugging him tightly, for once not doubtful if it was the right thing to do. This was right, everything about this was right. “Sorry again and… thanks.” After a few moments she retreated from the hug looking up at him - a content smile.

Communication was a funny thing. While being absolute shit at it, being confronted like that helped her voice the things she knew already. Not all of them - there were some things she just couldn’t admit, neither to herself nor Rin. Petty jealousy was nothing to be proud of after all. But she felt for once she wasn’t stuck, that what laid ahead wasn’t scary and that she very much was excited for the next years of her life. Additionally she was thankful that Rin moved on from this topic.

“I chose sport science.” Nao replied, on her way to the cup of tea Suna hat poured her as well. “Deciding wasn’t that hard. Surprisingly.” Her parents and she herself expected that she’d be contemplating for month before deciding what major she was gonna pick. The blonde quit Volleyball but still wanted to do something related to her passion - sport science opened the most doors. One could argue though, that she just delayed the definitive decision. She wasn’t one of them.

“What about you?” He did tell - wrote - her that he was going to play for the ESJ’s youth team but never what he ultimately chose to study. “Between practice and tournament I bet you chose something easy, because you smart like that.” Nao nodded along with her statement; It what she would’ve done. There were only so many hours in a day and with a schedule as packed you had to skip steps wherever you could.

She though about where she could see Rin be if - by any circumstance - the Volleyball thing wouldn’t work out. Which she wholeheartedly did not wish would ever happen. “Or I take a guess.” Nao tilted her head, analyzing the middle blocker intensely. “I’d say you chose liberal arts!” It was a joke, quite obviously so. Of course they have been drifting apart from each other but the blonde liked to think that she still knew Suna well enough that he would, in fact, not study liberal arts.

the mind we had
suna & nao

It would not be an exaggeration to say that Rin’s world stopped for a moment when her arms closed around him. Despite his usual reserved demeanor he had a soft spot for hugs and cuddles with his loved ones and very much did not mind hugging them - yet it was probably the fact that he was not even close to expecting it and it was not him who initiated. And if it would not have been Nao, his reaction might as well be a lot different.

But now, he was well aware that this was a fleeting moment, one that threw him back to better times when it came to their friendship. His hands wrapped around her shoulders, gently pressing her closer, a smile spreading over his lips. “ It is okay. “ His voice was soft above her ear as he leaned his chin against her head for a heartbeat. As he had already realized - it was not really possible for him to stay mad at her for long. Not seriously, atleast.

He was aware that this would not wipe away all the things between them. There still were things to talk about, but not all of them had to be cleared up in the course of an hour and so Suna let it go. For his own sake, mostly, but also because he felt content with just bantering with her for a while. Especially as he was quite interested in what she had chosen for her studies.

A question which he got answered quite quickly. Sport Science made sense, it was probably what he would have guessed anyway. Stepping away from playing did not mean stepping away from sports in general and so he gave her an approving nod.
“ That was on my list as well. But it was just too demanding to play and to study it theoretically. “ Especially because he never really cared about all that. He did his training, made his daily workouts and that was about it - playing volleyball was enough for him by itself.

His arms crossed he raised an eyebrow as she suggested guessing for him and the sound that escaped his throat once the words ‘Liberal Arts’ left her mouth, was quite similar to a snort. “ Sociology. “ He corrected smoothly, not without shooting her a playful glance for her guess. With a hand movement he beckoned her over towards the small sofa, quite big enough for two people, with an additional armchair on the side. Suna himself chose the sofa, pulling his feet up onto the seat, his arms resting on his knees.

“ I looked into economics and informatic studies too, but it didn’t seem right. “ He shrugged. “ Atleast I can use the twins and whoever is on my new team for my analyses. “ Unlucky for Nao that she would probably also fall into that scheme now.
“ They do not live far from here, the twins. Might be that they come over here and there. “ A non-serious scowl crossed his features while he talked.

the mind we had
suna & nao

The blonde nodded. “Yeah. Some of the science majors are already hard enough as sole focus, throwing in something in that sounds deadly.” Though sport science could give valuable theoretical insights on how to improve playing.

The thought of helping Rin out to optimise his already amazing game put a smile on her face. Maybe they could still connect through volleyball after all.

To still face Rin while sitting down, she put her right leg down first before descending onto it, essentially sitting half cross-legged on the couch. Nao wasn’t surprised to learn that he would major in sociology. Being as observant as he was he would probably have an easy time - as easy as studying gets. “That makes a lot of sense.” She mused in agreement, putting down her teacup onto the small table in front of the seats.

Nao couldn’t help but scrunch her nose upon Suna mentioning the twins. She never met them but from what he had told her about them in the past three years they sounded… interesting to say the least. “From what you told me analysing them could make some pretty wild papers.”

She still remembered the video he sent her in the beginning of their second year of them fighting each other during practice. While she had no idea what the fight was about it looked intense and ridiculous at the same time. Definitely more ridiculous.

“Putting breakables up shelves will probably not help giving how they are giants too.” Nao mused jokingly implying to ‘child proof’ the apartment before they would come over. It wasn’t meant as an insult just commentary on their antics she got told by Rin. She didn’t even know how up-to-date the little information she had were. What the blonde knew was that at least Atsumu got an award for being the best high school setter in Hyogo.

As setter herself - and given that Inarizaki was the school her best friend went to - she kept up with their volleyball games occasionally. She wasn’t sure if Rin was aware but she did watch half a set in their second year during the inter high nationals. Her game ended faster then expected (in the good way) and at the time - maybe still - she hated to admit how talented of a setter the bottle-blonde was.

“On another note,” She started looking at him directly. “Have you eaten something today?” Nao herself didn’t and slowly she felt the result of that. Her nervousness to move in and the coffee she had in the morning before hopping on the train were all that fueled her. “Chūpet doesn’t count.” She felt like adding before he could properly reply. Just in case.